Schedule sleeping and eating.

The schedule for sleeping and eating is the most important aspect of the schedule. Set up predictable times for sleeping and eating. If you do this, your child can experience wellness.

Wellness refers to physical and mental health. The body and the mind both perform better when sleeping and eating occur on a schedule. When sleeping and eating occur at predictable times, bodily hormones (such as hormones for digestion, hormones for sleeping) get released at predictable times. Those hormones are designed to help your child function at their best.

Good sleeping habits, good eating habits, and the right hormones for the right time of day all help. All of these factors keep your child’s energy level “just right.”

If you have not yet set up times for sleeping and eating, check the Sleeping and Eating chapters. It will be easier to set up the schedule of privileges and routines if you set up the schedule for sleeping and eating first.

Schedule of privileges.

When you first start teaching your child about the schedule, start with privileges. Privileges are fun activities and treats. Your child needs to know when privileges will occur.

Privileges include things like playing with toys, socializing with friends, watching a TV show or movie, playing computer games, or having fun with the family. Privileges can also include things like having desserts or sweets to eat, being able to buy a new toy at the store, or going on a special outing with the family or with friends. There are many reasons why privileges are so important. Look at the two reasons listed below:

1. Privileges are important for cognition and for wellness. Recreational time or play time is child’s work. Children have to play. Even though adults might call it a ‘privilege,’ play time is actually important for brain health. Play helps to lay a foundation for wellness, for social skills, and for learning. Make sure your child has play time every day. Special note: This play time is usually not screen-based.

2. Motivation. Privileges enhance motivation. When children know that they have recreational or fun time in the schedule, they tolerate it when their parents give them a job to do. Schedules help children finish work. Schedules help children manage the frustration of waiting. Most children find it easier to wait for something that’s exciting or preferred when they can watch the clock and see how much closer they are getting to their privilege.

Setting up the schedule of privileges.

Decide which days, and what time of day, you want your child to have privileges, such as the ones listed here:

Play time alone

Play time with family members

Play time with friends

Screen time . Special note: Screen time privileges are the most important privileges to schedule accurately. Recreational screen time should be less than two hours per day. Many parents find that their child is less challenging and easier to work with when screen time is below 2 hours per day, or when screens are removed altogether.

Remember: the two-hour rule is for recreational screen time. Your child can be allowed extra screen time if it’s for homework or for Face time visits with family or friends.

If you live in a household where the television is kept on all the time, you could start out by scheduling some time when all screens are off. It could be that all screens are turned off only at night time. Once you have taken that step, try turning all screens off for one hour each day, maybe at meal times. Gradually, shut the TV off for a bit more time each day.

Households have a lot of screens now. Curbing your own screen time use can be a challenge. Take some time and practice this skill. Reduce screen time for everybody, not just for your child.

Sugary snacks

A new toy or game

Pizza and movie night with the family; going to see a movie

Basic tips about privileges

Privileges should usually occur after routines or tasks are completed. For example, play time should occur after homework is completed. Special time with parents can also occur after tasks and routines are completed.

Special events, such as pizza and movie night with the family, going out for a movie, or buying a new toy at the store will not occur every day and might even not occur every week. You can schedule privileges such as these once per week, once per month, or less often.

Special note: Children get some paly time ‘free of charge.’ This means that they can play with toys or socialize with friends even if they did not get their work done yet.

Timing and duration of privileges.

Privileges increase motivation and improve tolerance for frustration. Children learn to tolerate the frustration of not getting a privilege right now if the schedule tells them that they will get the privilege later. The schedule needs to show when privileges are allowed, how long privileges can last, and when privileges are not allowed.

Use an analogue clock to teach your child about timing and duration of privileges. An analogue clock has a big hand and a small hand. It should be easy for your child to see the difference between the big hand and the small hand. Choose a clock where each hand has a different color. Or, paint the hands different colors. Or, put a sticker on the big hand or the small hand.

Use the clock to show your child when ‘sleeping’ or ‘eating’ will happen. They need to know the start time and the stop time for both.

Children also need to know the start time and the finish time for privileges. When your child understands when a privilege will start, they have something to look forwards to. This is called ‘deferred gratification’

When your child understands when a privilege will stop, they will be less frustrated when the privilege has to come to an end. This is called: “Frustration tolerance.”

Sometimes, it’s challenging to schedule privileges by the clock. for example, you might not be able to schedule privileges at exactly the same time each day. Also, some privileges don’t occur every day. If it’s easier, you can review the timing of privileges that morning or that afternoon. You can say: “Today, your privileges will start at X o’clock.” They will finish at XX o’clock.

For children who don’t have good language skills yet, use pictures to show them the schedule. For most children, a combination of pictures, photos, and words helps them understand the schedule.

Schedule of routines.

The schedule of routines is the second part of the Schedule. Privileges and routines really go together. Look at the examples of routines shown here:

1. Routines are the tasks, activities, or chores of the schedule. Several daily routines are dedicated to personal care. Examples: Toileting, washing, dressing, and keeping your belongings tidy. These routines usually occur at each end of the day, morning and evening. Make sure your child knows which routines occur in the morning, and which ones have to be completed in the evening.

2. Other routines. Other routines include doing homework, cleaning up after a meal, helping with meal preparation, or helping around the house. Some of these routines occur every day, while others only occur once every few days or once a week. Example: cleaning up the bedroom, or helping around the house might only occur once a week or so. Make sure your child knows which routines occur every day, and which routines occur less often. Have a calendar or a weekly schedule to show them when the routines have to occur.

Why the schedule of routines is so important.

There are seven great reasons to schedule routines.

1. Get tasks done. If it’s scheduled, it’s more likely to get done. Children resist routines. They’re boring! But, if you always do them at the same time each day, it’s easier. Keep routines consistent, so that your child is not taken by surprise and gets the routines done.

2. Get tasks done on time. If it’s scheduled, it’s more likely to happen on time. All of us have to respect timing and time intervals. Schedules teach children about being on time. The most important moment in the schedule for most children is to arrive on time at school. Schedules help children to learn what it mean to be ‘on time.’

3. Get tasks done more easily. If it’s scheduled, it’s easier to get it done. Schedules help to children to finish work before their privilege. The same can happen when they have boring or difficult task to do. It’s easier to get through a boring task if children know when the task will come to an end.

4. Teach first-then, and deferred gratification. Schedules teach children about first-then. This simple sequence is important for all types of learning, not just getting tasks done each day. “First-then” helps to motivate children. For example, children learn: “First, finish your routine; then, you can have a privilege.”

5. Teach about sequencing. Schedules teach children about sequences. Most of what we do requires us to do things in order: “First-second-third-last.” This is a longer sequence then first-then. Many of the things we have to do each day get done by following a sequence. It’s much easier to get things done when we have a sequence to follow. Sequences are an important foundation for learning.

6. Improve frustration tolerance. If it’s scheduled, it’s less frustrating. Children can get frustrated with adults when adults ask them to complete routines. They get especially frustrated if adults interrupt their privileges. they get even more frustrated if adults interrupt a privilege and tell them to do a routine! Your child will start their routines more promptly if they know in advance when the routine has to start. Example: See if your child follows your instruction to ‘put the toys away’ when they are in the middle of a game and were not expecting you to interrupt them. Then, on a different day, let them know in advance when you will be asking them to do a tasks or chore. See if their response is different. Just as important: See if your level of confidence is different. You will feel more confident about asking your child to complete routines if you discussed the routine with your child ahead of time. Your child will feel less frustrated about your interruption if it occurs at the agreed-upon time.

7. Learn how to collaborate. If it’s scheduled, it feels more collaborative. Schedules help create a culture of collaboration. When you create a schedule together with your child, you are honoring your child’s experience. You are making sure that your child has the play time they need. You are also teaching them to be part of a family unit. When you include your child in some decision-making, you are leading them onto a path of collaboration and independence. When you can share these important concepts with your child, you will find that they can accomplish so much more.

The schedule prevents the reminder trap. Most children and adolescents don’t pay attention to the schedule unless it has something in it that’s important to them. So, usually, parents end up reminding them to do what’s in the schedule. Reminding often turns into nagging. Nagging turns into resistance. Resistance leads to frustration. That’s the trap of using too many reminders.

Instead of reminders, teach your child to follow the schedule on their own. The strategies listed below can reduce the need for reminders.

Strategies to improve your child’s ability to follow the schedule and get routines done independently.

1. Physical support. First, be present while your child carries out their routines. Provide physical support if needed. For example, you might have to physically assist with dressing and self-care, by doing portions of your child’s self care for them. Tell your child what they did successfully, before you tell them what they need to do correct or do better. Gradually, fade your support. Do light hand-over-hand support instead of doing the task for your child. You can build up their skills until they show mastery.

2. Verbal support. Be present while your child completes routines, but don’t provide any physical supports. Only provide some verbal supports. Tell your child what they did successfully (“I’m really glad you brushed your front teeth” or “so good that you got your socks onto your feet”) Then, give a reminder, such as: “Be sure to brush your teeth at the back of your mouth” or “Remember to pull up your socks before you put on your shoes.” You can then start to fade your verbal support. You can share feedback but not tell them what’s missing. For example, you can say: “I think is see something you forgot in your dressing routine/ clean up routine. Can you see the part that’s missing?” If your child does not want you watching them, you can move to strategy #3.

3. Feedback. Once your child is capable of completing the routine independently, step out of the room and only provide intermittent verbal support. You can call this: “Error detection and error correction.” Provide feedback less often. when you provide feedback, make sure your child knows what they did right. Then, provide corrective feedback at a regular time. Limit your feedback to once or twice in the morning, or once or twice in the evening. What this means is this: Reducing your corrective feedback reduces your child’s frustration and increases your child’s independence.

4. Ask, don’t tell. Don’t keep telling your child what to do. Ask them to tell you what’s next on the schedule. If they seem to ‘forget,’ you can also go and look at the schedule together.
   

Does the schedule really have to be the same every day?

No. Not everything needs to go by the schedule. Too much predictability can get boring. In fact, you won’t always be be able to follow the schedule because unexpected events get in the way.

The information below can help you make some good decisions about how much of your child’s life should be scheduled and how often you can make changes or be flexible with the schedule.

What part of the schedule should be fixed, and what can be flexible?

Sleeping and eating. Sleeping and eating times should be fixed, at least on school/ work days. Sleeping and eating routines build wellness and will make it easier for your child to get through the day. Don’t change the schedule of sleeping and eating routines too much. Time them by the clock.

Privileges and routines. You can mix up privileges and some of the routines in the schedule. For example, try offering your child a surprise from time to time. You could say: “You don’t have to clean up your room today, I will do it for you! Or, “We’re going to go out for supper and then go for ice cream today!” Some spontaneous fun is really important.

What should I do when life gets in the way of the schedule?

You can’t always stick to the schedule, but you can still use schedules to help your child tolerate changes to the schedule. Remember: The schedule is important because it creates a feeling of predictability. It reduces confusion. It increases compliance. But life sometimes gets in the way of the schedule. When this happens, you can use it as an opportunity to teach your child about being flexible. if you can’t follow the schedule one day, let your child know. Let them know why. Then, create a mini-schedule, so that they know what to expect. Or, use the clock and show your child when the schedule will re-start.

What to do when schedules get boring.

A schedule that’s always the same can get boring. This is a problem for adults as well as children. That said, go slowly when you change the schedule. Most children do much better when they have a schedule that does not change too much. If your child shows the skills listed below, they might be ready for some changes and flexibility. Once your child can show the skills below, consider making some changes o the schedule:

How to know if your child is ready to accept changes in the schedule:

1. Your child can recite the schedule back to you

2. Your child is able to complete routines consistently, without much supervision from you

3. Your child is able to follow rules inside and outside the home

4. Your child is able to manage anxiety and frustration without much adult support

What to do if your child is rigid about the schedule

If your child is rigid about the schedule, you can introduce some changes from time to time to teach flexibility. It might sound funny, but you can schedule a time for being un-scheduled. You can say: “There’s no schedule until bedtime what do you want to do?” See if your child can tolerate the changes. Then, make some changes without letting your child know in advance, and see if you can help your child tolerate a spontaneous change.

What to do if your child lives in two homes

Children sometimes live in two homes, because their parents do not live together. It’s easiest for the child if the two parents continue to keep things the same or similar in both homes. That said, children can learn two different schedules. It might just take them a bit more time. Be sure to use a visual schedule in both homes, especially if the schedule looks different in each home.

Mastering new skills.

The schedule creates practice opportunities to help children master new skills. New skills can include extra-curricular activities such as learning how to play a musical instrument, participate in a drawing class, or play on sports team.

You can schedule extra-curricular activities after your child has learned how to follow a daily schedule.