Friendships
Friendships build confidence, kindness, and social skills. Start small, and watch that confidence grow.
Every guide in The IEP for Home library has the same simple structure: one big goal and a few small objectives. Work through the objectives one at a time to reach the goal. Each goal helps your child build skills for everyday life.
T H E S T R U C T U R EGOAL VS OBJECTIVE
What is the goal?
A goal is the big picture you are working toward. For this guide, the goal is to help your child build the skills to make and keep lasting friendships.
What are the objectives?
There are seven objectives for this goal. They cover sharing, taking turns, social phrases, play schedules, practice at home and outside, and learning what friendship means. Take your time. Friendship skills grow over many years.
Y O U R R O A D M A PSeven objectives. One for each friendship skill. Work through them in order and the goal takes care of itself.
THE OBJECTIVES
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⦿ Explain that sharing can include toys, time, space, and ideas.
⦿ Start with something easy to share, such as crayons, blocks, or choosing a game together.
⦿ Let your child practice offering an item or idea, then getting it back after a short time.
⦿ Use simple words: “You share, then your friend shares.”
⦿ Praise your child when they share or listen to another person’s idea.
Conversation Starters For You and Your Child
OBJECTIVE #1
Teach How to Share
Sharing is one of the first and most important friendship skills. Help your child understand what sharing means with toys, time, and ideas.
Erik’s Tip ★
For objective #1
Start with sharing ideas, not just toys. When a child learns to suggest what to play and then listen to their friend’s idea, they are already practicing the hardest part of friendship. — Erik
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⦿ Practice sharing at home first with a parent, sibling, or familiar person.
⦿ Use the mini-schedule to make turn-taking feel clear and predictable.
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⦿ Model sharing during your own daily interactions. Point it out when it happens naturally: “See? I shared my idea, and you shared yours—that’s teamwork.”
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⦿ Use the mini-schedule you created earlier to practice taking turns. Your child needs to “see” their turn, not just talk about it.
⦿ Connect the schedule to rules your child already follows at home to make it familiar. Taking turns can happen during meals, when doing self-care routines, and when playing.
⦿ Remind them that waiting for their turn is sort of like waiting for a privilege.
⦿ Reinforce the idea with a simple rule: “First your turn, then my turn,” just like “First work, then play.”
⦿ Keep the approach simple. Use the same activities to show turn-taking. Practice a little bit every day.
Conversation Starters For You and Your Child
OBJECTIVE #2
Practice Taking Turns
Help your child practice waiting, playing, and then passing the activity to someone else. Start with short turns at home before trying it with friends.
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⦿ Practice turn-taking during a game or activity at home.
⦿ Use the mini-schedule each time so the structure becomes familiar.
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⦿ Praise your child every time they wait patiently for their turn.
⦿ Keep sessions short at first—success builds confidence.
Erik’s Tip ★
For objective #2
Praise the waiting, not just the playing. When your child waits calmly for their turn, name it out loud—that recognition matters more than the game itself. — Erik
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⦿ Teach your child simple phrases to use when starting to play, during play, and when saying goodbye. “Hi,” “My name is…,” and “Can I play?” are scripts your child can use in many situations.
⦿ Practice these phrases together at home before using them with friends.
⦿ Help your child learn what other kids enjoy, such as popular games, characters, Pokémon, or superheroes.
⦿ Make sure they understand the basic rules of common games before playing with peers.
Conversation Starters For You and Your Child
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⦿ “My name is… What’s your name?”
⦿ “Do you want to play together?”
⦿ “Can I have a turn, please?”
⦿ “Thanks for playing with me. Let’s play again sometime!”
OBJECTIVE #3
Learn Social Phrases
Help your child learn the basic phrases and simple rules that make interactions and play with others go more smoothly and be more enjoyable.
Erik’s Tip ★
For objective #3
Rehearsal is the skill. Role-play the phrases at home until they feel natural—a child who has practiced them ten times will find them when it counts. — Erik
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⦿ Practice the phrases above at home until they feel natural.
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⦿ Role-play different scenarios with your child. Take turns being the one who starts the conversation. Keep it light and fun.
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⦿ Create a simple mini-schedule before a play session.
⦿ Let each child choose one game or activity. It can be a board game, puppets, pretend play, or another activity.
⦿ Decide who goes first, who goes second, and how long each child gets to play their chosen activity.
⦿ If it is a board game or card game, help the children follow the rules. If it is pretend play, help them agree on what will happen.
⦿ Tell the children when it is time to switch activities and help them set up the next activity.
⦿ Review the schedule together so both children know what to expect.
⦿ Use the schedule to reduce anxiety, support self-control, and remind the children what they agreed to do.
⦿ Encourage your child to follow the plan with less help over time.
Conversation Starters For You and Your Child
OBJECTIVE #4
Using Mini-Schedules During Play
A mini-schedule provides your child with a simple, clear visual plan for playtime, helping them understand what will happen and when it will occur.
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⦿ Use a mini-schedule before every play session at home. Let your child help build it. Ownership makes it easier to follow.
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⦿ Prepare the schedule together before the play session. Keep it short and use pictures if you can. You can use photos of your child’s toys and their playmate’s toys. Use the pictures to show turn-taking, sharing, and how long each activity will last.
For objective #4
Build the schedule with your child, not for them. When they help write the plan, they are far more likely to follow it. — Erik
Erik’s Tip ★
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⦿ Start with one friend at a time in a familiar, comfortable setting like your home.
⦿ Focus only on the skills already taught—sharing, taking turns, and following rules.
⦿ Avoid introducing too many new skills at once; keep it simple and manageable.
⦿ Remember that your relationship with your child is the foundation for practicing these skills.
⦿ Reinforce that if they can use these skills with you, they can use them with others.
⦿ Before the playdate, inform the friend or their parent that your child is practicing these skills and may need gentle reminders.
⦿ Give both children simple phrases to use, such as: “Don’t forget to share and take turns!”
For older children, a play date can be to watch a movie together in your home. Have a snack after that. End the activity after an hour or so.
With practice, you can introduce board games or card games or focus on conversations. Keep it short, then build up for longer activities. After a while, you can do an activity outside your home.
Conversation Starters For You and Your Child
OBJECTIVE #5
Practice Social Skills
Start small. Begin at home, where your child feels safe. Build your child’s confidence in familiar surroundings and with trusted peers, taking gentle steps that encourage steady growth.
Erik’s Tip ★
For objective #5
Tell the other parent in advance. A brief conversation before the playdate prevents most problems before they start. — Erik
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⦿ Practice with one familiar friend. Use the mini-schedule and the phrases from Objective #3. Afterwards, talk about what went well.
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⦿ Debrief with your child after each play session—what went well, what was hard. Keep it positive and focus on progress, not perfection.
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⦿ Help your child understand that rules stay the same everywhere.
⦿ Sharing, taking turns, and following rules apply everywhere—at school, at the park, or at a friend’s house.
⦿ Introduce new settings gradually. It is harder to remember rules in an exciting or noisy place.
⦿ Encourage your child to use simple reminder phrases if there is a problem.
⦿ Let them say, “Remember to share and take turns,” or “Remember to follow the rules.” Let your child know that their playmate may use the same phrases.
Let your child’s playmate know that they can help teach your child by using the same phrases.
⦿ Give your child ownership by letting them use these reminders on their own. If they forget, ask, “What phrase can you use?” or “Did you tell your friend what you need?”
Conversation Starters For You and Your Child
OBJECTIVE #6
Practice Social Skills Everywhere
Once your child feels confident at home, begin practicing social skills in new places and with different friends. Start with small, manageable steps and gradually build on their successes.
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⦿ Try using your skills with someone new: a classmate, a neighbor, or a child at the park. Use the same phrases and the same rules from home.
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⦿ Help your child make new friends by keeping things relaxed. Try a quick trip to the playground, joining a fun group activity, or signing up for a community class.
Erik’s Tip ★
For objective #6
Teach your child to say the reminder themselves, not just hear it. When they can tell a friend, “Remember to share and take turns,” the rule has become theirs. — Erik
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⦿ Teach your child to express what they enjoy about their friendships.
⦿ Encourage kind phrases like “I like playing with you” or “I like it when we share.”
⦿ Help them show interest in others by asking about their favorite games or activities.
⦿ Help your child to manage their emotions during play, especially when they feel frustrated. Help them to use the right words to show their feelings.
⦿ Remind them that a friend is still a friend, even when there are upsets. Your child might need to share about their emotions if they are too intense.
⦿ Practice phrases like: “I sometimes get frustrated, but I still want to be your friend.”
Conversation Starters For You and Your Child
OBJECTIVE #7
Teaching About Friendships
Help your child understand what friendship means. Friends share ideas and feelings. Friends can make each other happy, but they may also hurt each other’s feelings by mistake. A good friend tries to be kind and supportive when someone feels sad or frustrated.
Erik’s Tip ★
For objective #7
Practice the emotion phrase at home before your child needs it. A child who has already said “I still want to be your friend” once will find it much more easily in the moment. — Erik
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⦿ This week, say one kind thing to a friend during or after playtime. Practice the phrase: “I like playing with you.”
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⦿ Talk with your child about their friendships regularly—not only when something goes wrong. Celebrate moments when they show kindness or handle frustration well.
Talk to an Expert
These suggestions work for most children. But every child is unique. Some tips may not fit your son or daughter. Talk with your child's physician first. A physician knows your child's needs best. Trust their professional guidance over anything general.
If things get hard, reach out for support. You do not have to do this alone. Help is always within reach.
