Positive
Relationships
Before routines, rules, or responsibilities comes connection. Your child needs to know that you’ve got their back! If you’re going to be your child’s best teacher, you have to have a solid connection with your child.
Every guide in The IEP for Home library has the same simple structure: one big goal, & a handful of objectives. Stack the objectives, you reach the goal. Stack the goals, you raise a thriving child.
T H E S T R U C T U R EGOAL VS OBJECTIVE
What is the goal?
For this guide, the goal is to build a positive connection with your child. Building a positive connection is something you do daily. Building that connection should always be on your mind.
What are the objectives?
There are four objectives for building a positive connection with your child. Start with building a positive connection with yourself.
Next, build positive relationships with other adults who are important in your life. After that, build up your parenting partners. Finally, work on building a positive connection with your child. Taken together, the objectives below can give you the connection you need to be your child’s best teacher.
Y O U R R O A D M A PFour objectives. One for each foundation that builds a strong relationship with your child. Work through them in order and the goal takes care of itself.
THE OBJECTIVES
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⦿ Sleep 15 to 30 minutes more per night by going to bed earlier. Build up your habits so that you sleep 8 hours per night.
⦿ Eat one healthy meal per week, then move up to several healthy meals per week.
⦿ Manage your screen time. Schedule time for media to be turned off! Make the house quiet for a change, and get everyone to pay attention to each other.
OBJECTIVE #1
Practice Self Care
Make sure you are taking care of you. No one else will! Get enough sleep. Eat healthy meals. Get movement into your routine. Manage your screen time.
Teach yourself all of these good habits and you’ll be a much stronger teacher. Don’t worry if this takes a lot of time. Your child needs to know that you’re taking care of yourself— so that you can take care of them.
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⦿ Make time each day for a positive interaction with your child even if ten minutes of focused, enjoyable time together counts.
⦿ Let your child lead sometimes, follow their interests, join their game, or simply sit with them. Being present is enough.
⦿ Use the Parent Guide on Positive Relationships for practical tools to get started.
Conversation Starters For You and Your Child
OBJECTIVE #2
Build a Positive Relationship with other adults
schedule regular meeting times with your child’s other parent; your partner; a friend; or a family member. Here are some examples:
Establish a routine. Once a month, once a week, or once a day, schedule a call with someone. Make the call intentional. Talk about what matters to you.
Celebrate successes. Are you sleeping a bit more, even if it’s just one night per week? that’s worth celebrating. Are you eating healthy foods once a week? that’s worth celebrating too. Keep recognizing and celebrating small successes. let others know that you are working towards a big goal- Connection and self- care
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⦿ Tell your child to suggest one activity they would like to do together this week.
⦿ When something is bothering you, try telling your parent instead of keeping it to yourself.
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⦿ Schedule at least ten minutes of one-on-one time with your child every day this week — no screens, no distractions.
⦿ Check in with yourself: are you getting enough rest, support, and time to recharge? Your well-being matters here, too.
⦿ Read the Parent Guide on Positive Relationships for more tools and ideas.
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⦿ Set consistent sleep and wake times for your child. A regular bedtime is one of the most powerful changes you can make; everything else becomes easier when your child is well rested.
⦿ Set regular mealtimes and eat together as a family whenever possible. Predictable meals support your child's mood, focus, and energy throughout the day.
⦿ Manage screen time carefully. Screen time means time spent on TVs, computers, tablets, or phones. Aim for less than two hours of recreational screen time per day.
⦿ These three habits work together. Poor sleep affects eating; too much screen time affects sleep. Building all three at once is more effective than tackling them one by one.
⦿ Use the Parent Guides for Sleeping and Eating for step-by-step support with each habit.
Conversation Starters For You and Your Child
OBJECTIVE #3
Build Partnerships
A partnership is not the same thing as a relationship. Having a partner means that you have an ally. Your ally is helping you to be your child’s best teacher. Your ally can be your spouse, your child’s other parent, a friend who sees you and your child often, or someone else.
Partnerships have agreements. Your partner has to agree with you about the goals and objectives that you are working on. Do you both agree on the goal? Do you both agree about the objective? Do you both agree about how you will reach the objective?
Even if you don’t always agree about what you are going to teach your child, you already both agree that you want a happy and healthy child- and a positive connection with that child.
Manage disagreements. When there are disagreements, it’s usually not about the goal or the objective. Usually, it’s about the strategy. Agree on the strategy- or, you can agree to disagree! Each parent is allowed to have their own path or their own strategy of teaching your child. If you get good at trusting your partner to reach the objective, you’ll find you really like not having to do all of the work for your child.
Your child does not need to get confused if parent #1 does things differently from parent #2. Just let them know! If you and your partner are reaching the objective and the goal, you should be all set.
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⦿ Go to bed at the same time every night this week.
⦿ Sit down for meals at the scheduled times rather than eating on the go.
⦿ Try one day this week with less than two hours of screen time and notice how you feel.
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⦿ Set a consistent bedtime and wake time for your child starting this week.
⦿ Write mealtimes into the family schedule.
⦿ Read the Parent Guides on Sleeping and Eating for detailed guidance on building these habits.
Erik’s Choice ★
For objective #2
“Start with sleep. Of all the wellness habits, a consistent bedtime has the greatest impact on a child's behaviour, focus, and emotional regulation during the day. If you can only do one thing right now, make bedtime consistent.” — Erik
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⦿ Every day should include at least one activity your child genuinely enjoys. This 'look-forward-to' time can be screen time, a treat, a fun outing, or quality time with you.
⦿ Connection time with a parent counts as a privilege, and it is one of the most powerful motivators of all.
⦿ Post the schedule somewhere visible so your child can see it and refer to it on their own.
⦿ Keep sleep and mealtimes fixed. These are not flexible. Everything else can be adjusted as needed.
⦿ Use the Parent Guide on Schedules to walk through how to build and maintain a daily routine.
Conversation Starters For You and Your Child
OBJECTIVE #4
Build a positive connection with your child
Engage your child. Building a positive connection means being intentional. Schedule a time for connecting. Let your child choose the activity. Just watching your child play is a great place for connection. Screen time usually distracts from connection time, so turn screens off. Or, make sure you use the screen for connecting, by talking about what’s happening on the screen. Then, gradually remove the screen. Your connection time can be just once a day for ten minutes. Build up from there.
Watch and comment. You can watch and say nothing. You can watch and make a comment (“That car is moving fast” “That puppet is really cool”). You do not need to do is provide any praise. Also, you should not tell them what to do. Just sit there, watch, and listen. If your child is very active and wants to run around, you can sit, watch, and listen while they run around! Just show up and be present.
No praise needed. You do not need to provide any praise. you’re just watching, noticing, connecting, discovering your child.
You choose the activity. Connection time might be easiest when your child chooses the activity that you’re using for connection time. But, you can choose the activity also. Cooking, Laundry, cleaning and tidying can all be used for connection time.
Erik’s choice: Connection before correction — always. Before you ask your child to do anything, make sure they have had at least one good moment with you that day. It does not need to be long. It just needs to be real. When your connection is real, your child will participate successfully— Erik
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⦿ Look at the schedule each morning and find the thing you are most looking forward to.
⦿ Help build the schedule by suggesting one activity you would like included each week.
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⦿ Write a simple daily schedule this week that includes fixed sleep and meal times, at least one privilege, and the main tasks your child needs to complete.
⦿ Post it somewhere visible and refer to it with your child each morning.
⦿ Read the Parent Guide on Schedules for full guidance on building a routine that works.
Erik’s Choice ★
For objective #3
Make sure something good is always on the schedule. A child who can see their favorite activity coming later in the day is a child who will get through the hard parts to reach it. The schedule is not just organization — it is motivation.
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⦿ Rewards are special benefits, treats, or privileges that are earned — for example: screen time, a special snack, or extra playtime. These go on the schedule as things to look forward to.
⦿ Duties are the necessary tasks your child needs to do every day — like getting ready for school, doing a clean-up routine, or completing homework. These go on the schedule as expectations.
⦿ Use the First-Then rule: first the duty, then the reward. Keep it simple and consistent.
⦿ Start with one or two duties only. Add more gradually as your child builds confidence and consistency.
⦿ Use the Parent Guides on Schedules and Rules for step-by-step support on adding duties to your daily routine.
Conversation Starters For You and Your Child
OBJECTIVE #5
Add Duties and Rules
Once your child trusts the routine and knows when rewards are coming, you can start adding responsibilities to the schedule.
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⦿ Choose one responsibility you will take on this week and do it every day without being reminded.
⦿ Notice how it feels to finish a task and earn your reward.
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⦿ Add one or two duties to the schedule this week using the First-Then rule.
⦿ Follow through on the reward every time your child completes their duty — consistency is what makes it work.
⦿ Read the Parent Guides on Schedules and Rules for detailed support.
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Keep these four ideas with you as you work through the objectives:
⦿ Start small for quick success. Choose goals that let you feel successful right away. Even tiny wins keep you motivated and moving forward.
⦿ Welcome ‘stumbling blocks’. Challenges are not failures; they are your best chances to learn and improve. When things go wrong, pay attention. That is where the real lessons are.
⦿ Build partnerships. Do not do this alone. Talk to your parenting partner, a therapist, or your child's teacher. Ask for their help and share what is and is not working.
⦿ Be patient, this is a marathon, not a sprint. Success may take a few days, a few weeks, or even a few months. Slow, steady steps always pay off in the long run.
Start with the step that excites and motivates you the most. No one else will know the best place for you to begin. Take some time to think about what feels most important for your family right now and start there.
Erik’s Choice ★
For objective #4
Start with one duty and make it easy to succeed. A child who completes one responsibility consistently is building the habit of follow-through. That habit is worth far more than a long list of tasks that never get done.
Talk to an Expert
These suggestions work well for most children, but every child is different. Check with your child's doctor to make sure the advice fits your family. If things get hard, reach out. You do not have to do this alone.
